Breaking the Habit and Reversing the Effects of Pretending to Be Alright

by Judith A. Swack, PhD

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Abstract

Many people pretend to be alright when they are not. This causes them to accumulate stress in their bodies and interferes with their ability to have intimate relationships. This case study describes one of the most common patterns that causes this behavior, a seduction pattern that causes people to pretend that, “It’s no big deal I’m fine” or its variation, “I’m not upset.” This paper details the novel process developed by the author to heal this pattern in one Healing from the Body Level Up™ (HBLU™) treatment session. The case examples presented here demonstrate the dramatic emotional and behavioral shifts that people experience upon healing of this pattern and are representative of the many cases that the author has treated with this procedure. The author hopes that anyone who reads this paper will apply this simple process to him/herself and share it with others
to improve their emotional and physical health, intimate relationships, and quality of life.

Key words: Healing from the Body Level Up, HBLU, seduction, intimate relationships, effective communication, stress


Introduction

People often report having difficulty speaking up about what bothers them. Something stressful happens and they just tell themselves, “It’s no big deal; I’m fine,” or “I’m not upset” when they really are.

Why do people do that? They learned from role models at home, in school, or in their culture that it wasn’t appropriate to complain, whine or appear weak. It’s a way to be cool and (for both men and women) to display a kind of macho toughness.

When asked what they did with the unexpressed stress, muscle testing revealed that people internalized the stress by inhaling it through their mouths and stuffing it down into their chests while exhaling. Over the years the stress continued to accumulate in their bodies.

We also discovered that this attitude prevented true intimacy in relationships because when people feel that they can’t express what’s really bothering them, they can’t be themselves around others. It’s frustrating for the other people, too. They sense the withholding and lack of communication.

Fortunately, this lifelong pattern can be easily healed in just a few minutes by using the HBLU protocol for treating ‘seducer strategies.’


What is a 'seducer strategy?'

Seduction patterns arise from a trauma that causes people to feel empty or dead inside. The dead part is desperate to come back to life and believes the only way to do this is to get the critical elements (also called gifts or promised benefits) it needs to come back to life from somebody or something outside of itself.

In a seduction pattern, the empty or dead part either:

1. Allows itself to be seduced (becomes the seducee) by accepting gifts or the promise of gifts from others and pays for it by allowing the other person to drain the rest of the person of positive qualities like energy, joy, and compassion; or

2. Seduces others (becomes the seducer) into giving it the critical elements by bribing, threatening, or doing other manipulative behaviors.

In effect, the promise from each side is, "I'll bring you to life."

Seduction patterns are energy-draining, perverse, and frustrating. People get tricked into doing things they don’t want to do. They are unable to leave bad relationships, jobs, family, or other upsetting situations. Seduction always backfires because no one outside of you can bring you to life. The most that anyone gets is a small amount of what the dead part needs, and it is insufficient, perverted and unsatisfying.

Methods: How do you free yourself of a seduction pattern?

The only way to free yourself of a seduction pattern is to give back and refuse to take (now or in the future) the gifts that you are tempted by. This is very difficult to do because the dead part feels it can’t let go for fear that if it gives up what little it is getting, it will go back to being completely dead. To clear seduction patterns, we use a prayer intervention in which you:

1. Renounce the gifts you’re trying to get (while feeling desperate not to),

2. Ask God/Divine Source (a source that can actually deliver) to free you from the seduction pattern, heal the dead part, and provide what you need.

The intervention works instantly regardless of attitudes toward or belief in God. Once the pattern clears and you are no longer desperate for the promised benefits, you know that you’ll be able to figure out how to get what you need in a straightforward way.


Releasing the stress by getting honest

1.Write out the seducer strategy, which might be worded as, “It’s no big deal, I’m fine" or "I’m not upset” in order to get … (list what you are desperate for). For example, you might be seeking respect for being tough, proof that you can take care of yourself, love, safety, acceptance, etc.”
(See case examples below for more suggestions.)

2. Locate in your body where you feel desperate for these benefits.

3. Say the following prayer:
"I renounce this strategy______:
It’s no big deal, I’m fine (or I’m not upset) in order to get ____ [respect for being tough; proof that I can take care of myself; love; safety; acceptance; etc.] and I pray God to free me from everyone I do this with and everyone who does this with me, and I pray God to heal all parts of myself. I pray God to free me from this seducer strategy, and I pray God to free me from this whole pattern and everything that made me susceptible to it. I pray God to heal me of all the damage I’ve ever done to myself and others and all the stress I’ve ever accumulated while under the influence of this pattern and to erase it so completely it’s as if it never happened.
(Exhale the accumulated stress up out of your chest and out your mouth. Take a few seconds to a minute to do this till you feel clear.)
And I pray God to provide me with whatever else I need on the benefits list.”

4. The Punchline: Now that you’ve said the prayer, it makes sense logically that if it’s no big deal, just deal with it immediately and move on. Notice that it makes no sense to ever again take stress into your body and stuff it down. Think about a time when something small was bothering you and notice how you would naturally speak up and handle it immediately. Since you now have a laid-back attitude of “It’s no big deal, so let's just handle this now,” you’ll find that people cooperate easily with your suggestions and don’t take offense. You’ll also find that you stop doing little things that caused yourself stress.

5. Use this prayer on any other seducer strategy that you may be running to greatly reduce stress in your life.

Results: Case Examples

'Jane,' a therapist, had always thought that ignoring minor irritations was a positive quality until she realized how much stress had built up in her body over the years from stuffing it all inside herself. The day after she cleared this pattern, she gave away a blouse that had been a little too tight the day she bought it and three pairs of shoes that hurt after wearing them for just a few minutes. “I was not willing to carry any unnecessary stress in my body anymore,” she said.

Most astonishing was how she could be more honest with people, and they didn’t seem to mind. One early morning a client arrived, smelling of freshly applied perfume of a type that Jane particularly disliked. Jane felt like she was about to suffocate, but was afraid she would offend and thus lose her client if she expressed her dislike. On the other hand, Jane realized she’d be distracted during the whole session and did not feel that would be ethical. Then she remembered that it was no big deal, so she mentioned to the client that she found her perfume distracting. The client replied, “OK, I just won’t wear it next time.” Jane was astonished that she immediately stopped noticing the smell of the perfume.

'Frank' had had many long-term relationships but had never been married. He had watched his parents fight for years and concluded that this is what marriage is like and I don’t want it. He was running the script in his head, “It’s no big deal, I’m fine" in order to get attention, relationships, and to attract people to him. After he cleared this pattern, he realized that “I’ve been denying myself when I pretended that everything was OK. I actually don’t connect with others by pretending I’m OK.” He also realized that this pattern had been the major block to communication in all his relationships and had caused the destruction of the relationship with the woman he loved the
most.

In a couple of exceptional cases, women ended relationships that had caused them dissatisfaction and pain for years.

'Sarah' dated a married man for seven years. They had a lot of fun together and being with him taught her a lot. After seven years, and approaching 40, she decided she was ready to settle down. After clearing several patterns, she had enough self-esteem and self-confidence to ask him to leave his wife and marry her. He said he was willing to discuss it, but kept putting off the discussion. Then we cleared, “It’s no big deal, I’m fine in order to get acceptance, and be heard so I can get my way.” That week, he put off the relationship discussion once again, so she broke off the relationship completely. She’s looking forward to meeting someone with whom she can create a truly loving and permanent relationship.

'Carla' grew up with an alcoholic father and suffered from mysterious bouts of thyroiditis since the age of 9. Carla married a wealthy financier and assumed that because he was good at making money, he’d be a good husband and father. Then she discovered that he was an alcoholic. He was also extremely controlling and abusive. They have three children. She endured his obnoxious behavior for nine years and finally went to Al-Anon meetings where she got a taste of sanity and peace of mind. When she came for HBLU treatment to continue her recovery, she had already asked him to move out and to go for rehab. He moved out and stopped drinking but was still controlling and abusive.

Early in our work, we cleared, “It’s no big deal, I’m fine in order to get peace, freedom, self-worth, and self-determination.” Here was her reaction:

“This has been a principle that I have lived with for most of my adult life (most likely even longer). The strangest part is I don't even think I ever said this sentence out loud. Yet, this was the message that played in my head during most daily actives and interactions with others. I believed that this was the way to peace, serenity and happiness (crazy I now know). My intentions were if I didn't make a fuss, if I could get along with others, then life would be more pleasant. Wasn't that what everyone was doing? Weren't we all trying to get along respectfully?

What this mantra developed into was years of minimizing my needs, wants and desires. This has led to me being a 43 year old woman who really has no idea what those are now and a long list of bad decisions made over many years. Making my silent mantra 'It's no big deal,' my standards have been comprised. The truth is I have very high standards for my own behavior and what I expect of myself. I consider myself to be loyal, kind, honest and reliable. Yet, I have been in and continued to be in relationships where I accepted dishonest, mean and unreliable behavior, all because of my silent mantra "It's no big deal."

When Judith first mentioned the "It's no big deal” seduction pattern, I think that I laughed. It seemed so simple, even silly, yet resonated deeply with me. While we worked it out in her small little room she intuitively knew that I still didn't get how this was simply making my life such a disaster.

Most likely out of frustration and desperation to get me to realize this was a pattern that was keeping me from my true goal of a happy, peaceful life, she looked at me and said, "Sally, if it's no big deal why don't you say something?” Truth be told, that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a big deal. I stopped speaking because I was tired, scared and feared what would happen if I didn't just go along. So with my new awakening we moved forward and cleared this old thinking pattern of “It's no big deal" in minutes. My life has not been the same since then!

It is like living in Las Vegas! The second the old pattern "It's no big deal," comes up, lights come on BRIGHT, (it feels involuntarily). I stop and say OUT LOUD, with peace and firmness, “Wait I'm not sure 'this' or 'that' will work for me.” Then I think for a second and truly make a conscious decision on what I need and want and how to move forward.

This is a blessing! It has transformed my life. In some of the smallest ways I can work respectfully with the people in my life and find very easy simple ways to compromise. Life is very pleasant and peaceful. I'm enjoying the serenity and happiness that comes from true balanced relationships. Surprisingly I have many in my life. With these people there was no need to go the extra mile to give more of myself to enjoy our relationship. Sigh! I'm having a blast living.

But, for my not so balanced relationships it's kicked up lots of dust. The most unbalanced relationship I have is with my husband.

In the next session, Carla reported that her husband’s response to her verbalization of her unhappiness was to accuse her of being a bad wife and that nothing he ever did was good enough for her. He also did a fair amount of swearing at her. So, she told her husband she wanted a divorce and got a lawyer. Her husband found a couples counselor to help them, and promised to go into rehab, but hasn’t. Carla is determined to create an honest, loving, easy relationship and hopes he will be able to do that with her. She will not accept anything else.

Summary

When people pretend to be alright when they are not, they accumulate stress in their bodies, create inauthentic relationships, and degrade their quality of life. One of the most common patterns that causes this behavior is a seduction pattern, which results in people feeling drained and frustrated as they attempt to achieve their goals. After healing the “It’s no big deal I’m fine” seduction pattern using the novel process developed by the author, patients reported feeling calmer and happier, resolved life problems more easily, found it much easier to ask for what they wanted from others, and felt more in charge of their own lives. The author hopes that anyone who reads this paper will apply this simple process to him/herself and share it with others to improve their emotional and physical health, intimate relationships, and quality of life.

Judith A. Swack, PhD is a biochemist/immunologist, master NLP practitioner, and mind/body healer who has developed Healing from the Body Level Up™ (HBLU™). HBLU™ is a holistic psychotherapy system that simultaneously addresses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of an issue. HBLUTM integrates biomedical science, psychology, applied kinesiology, hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, spirituality, and energy psychology techniques with original research on the structure of complex damage patterns to create a rapid, reproducible, and revolutionary healing methodology. Dr. Swack and her associates work with individual patients in person or by phone and train other practitioners in workshops throughout the country.

Contact
Healing from the Body Level Up, Inc.
56 Pickering St.
Needham, MA 02492.
781-444-6940
www.HBLU.org.

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